undeniably delusional

Im elena. 19.
I like many things, and stuff and various objects.

This is unbearable. I find myself crying almost as often as I find myself not. I feel like I’m stuck in an abyss of eternal darkness clinging to every figment of light I find in my imagination. How can this be happening? Why has it gotten to this level? Why can’t you understand that I don’t understand and just explain it to me. In addition how fucking hard is it to put in just a little god damn effort. I’m not asking for the moon, im just asking for a spark. Something to show me that the abyss that my soul has created is endless. That soon I’ll be pulled to somewhere with light. That I wasn’t wrong about everything. That it is not just me in pain. That I’m not alone. Soon I’ll start to lose myself, I fear I’ve already lost my mind. I can feel it slipping away like mist escaping from tea.. When it’s all done and the tea is cold what then?
I guess I’ll find out.